Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
