She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
