Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
