So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
