I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
