I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
