11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
