I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
