Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
