Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
