they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
