people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
