i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
