I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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