Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
