there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
