Whod you bang
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
