she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
