That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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