I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
