My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize