i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
