Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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