My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The Olympian is in my bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
