the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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