You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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