i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?