Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.