The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.