I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this is an emotional support booty call