You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.