I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..