Moan for me like Helen Keller
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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