He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
