Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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