Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you never un-have a 4some
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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