it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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