I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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