she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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