Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
