He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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