Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
