so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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