Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
