The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
