Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
