I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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