I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i love accidental penises.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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