I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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