Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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