even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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