I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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