I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
