Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
