I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
