Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dear god my vagina.
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