who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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