Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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