is your mom at the bar?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
