my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My penis needs a shock collar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
