I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
