So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
