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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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