hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
