just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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