How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
