Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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